I’ve got one. I have a cup of coffee like this guy has– on my night stand. Couple good sips. Also took two Advil, one Zyrtec, and an antibiotic to try to lose it.
Problem is I’m a care giver and there is no rest for the weary. I don’t feel like “caring” today and mostly I don’t feel like cooking. If I were on my own, Josh would get leftovers and/or eggs today– a can of soup and peanut butter toast. Guess I better get Dad some coffee. Hang on—ok.
Ok, he’s got coffee. Josh is still asleep and maybe I can sip on mine for 20 minutes. I have a hungry dog and soon two hungry men to feed…
Do you have days like this? Not just days you are under the weather but days you just don’t want to cook or eat? Or is it only me?
Cup of Joe can often put me right. Come on dark roast New Guinea Papua (GREAT coffee).
I see my sweet neighbor Terry is puttering around already getting rid of that one weed in her yard–what a lovely job she’s done on her house and landscaping. I see her salt and pepper hair bobbing above the wooden fence–a reminder I have plants to “care” for as well.
My allergies are worse in the fall and I ate pretzels last night–figured I might as well after I didn’t want to turn down the chocolate Dad forced on me (not good dark chocolate). My keto diet is also harder to accomplish here with this bread/pasta/potato/sweet eater. There must be something really easy to feed them tonight without having to light the grill or chop vegetables. Argh. Why do people want to eat every day? I just don’t. I get judged for my unconventional diet and my desire to fast once a week or every two weeks.
I suspect dehydration–I tend toward it. A glass of water…
Or maybe the headache is just that I might have hurt a few people I didn’t mean to with my rant about my family not showing up in town for my reading. I didn’t even tell my downstate friends the exact date (I didn’t think) or expect them to travel four hours to come–even though several of them would have (and one apparently tried to tell me she wanted to come and thought I didn’t want her to!–Carol–like you are EVER not welcome here). I am blessed to have great friends and thinking about them (and my cup of dark roast) are helping that headache lift a bit. My friend Karen and her sister and brother-in-law once drove up to Traverse City when this book first came out and surprised me and I was just doing a signing at Horizon Books! They were both at my book launch. And my friend Cindy was as well and would have loved to come if not for her health challenges (and the fact I also didn’t ask her.) I had great high school friends who helped put together my book launch a couple years ago and attended! I can’t name all of them, but Susan, thank you! Patsy, Lee Ann, Rose, Lisa, Keith…
Yep even my brother and dad came–I invited them, of couse.
Still, I have been pretty overwhelmed with all the changes here and I might have been both a bit thoughtless not clarifying and/or not tuned in to people communicating with me! I have definitely been more scattered and more tired.
I think my good friends Mikie and Linda actually asked to have me read once in Harrison–not many folks there, either, but the thing was, my good friends were there! And they would have come had I invited people. But since this was in our home town, I didn’t do the usual promotion, anyway, I might do somewhere else.
I think I’m already getting over how devastating that all felt and probably helped that I vented about it. Otherwise, it would be eating at me a year from now.
Interesting the reactions I got. My sweet daughter took full responsibility–we blew it. Period. (You are a wonderful daughter!) Is this a gender thing?? Always quite obvious. She also put together a mini-presentation the day before and was at least aware my event was taking place. My father went second in the apology department and apologized for walking out (yep, he did but he IS old and ill). Apologized for being oblivious to other people, said he thought there was some truth in that. A good friend in town apologized for not gathering more folks. Thanks, Geoff, and for coming! The rest of the men in my family either didn’t care about my feelings at all, blamed me for having the nerve to yell at them, and/or they blamed the library people and my stress level. All when the truth is they are often selfish, thoughtless and self-absorbed–in different degrees. My son and husband wrote me nice notes even if they were mostly about shifting the blame to me, my dad, or the librarian. I did tell my husband to work on the rental house when it was clear nobody was coming anyway.
Of course, yelling at them was futile other than getting it off my chest, I knew that when I did it. The point was they should have been proud, interested, supportive–mostly they should have been proud and invited everybody they knew like my mother would have done. But of course, you can’t make people value your talent, be proud of you, or want to do anything! I knew that when I yelled at all of them. But I was angry they didn’t and weren’t. It’s odd to me because I’m interested in everything the people I love do. But there it is. The fact nobody was there didn’t really matter (my brother claimed I wouldn’t have given a shit if the library had done their job–how out of touch is HE?). It would have been less noticeable my family didn’t give a crap, but it would have hurt nevertheless.
My father and brother have never valued my education or my talent at all. Or my accomplishments. And when I say that, you might think I’m exaggerating.
I’m not.
They literally have no appreciation for it, have never said it, or shown it. In any way. Never said I was a good writer, liked the books, READ the books. I suspect they did not. Women are here to serve and look good–they both had wives who did that. Though they both do and did much more than that. I most definitely have not “stayed in my place.”
My anger was directed primarily at them, I suspect. I also suspect since neither of them have more than a high school diploma there is some kind of insecurity involved in it–they measure success only monetarily. Remuneration is all. I suspect. When I got back from the reading my father asked me if I sold any books. Not a word about my reading or talent, of course. Not that money isn’t success or is unimportant, or that I think their lives are not just as valuable, they are!–
They just have little respect for me.
But I am much less angry already, believe it or not. It’s dissipating fast–no point in that whiskey shot glass wall if I can’t stay pissed off longer than a week or so (see my post about How to Make an American Quilt–and everybody, not just women, should see it). I am sure my next blog will be back on to my dream project, my fantasy novel, and my diet–and more.
I have gotten some really nice notes from my close friends–thanks you guys!–and I am doing better.
I’ve rambled today and if you’ve stuck with me, XOXO. How is your Tuesday? It’s a perfectly clear, warm, late summer day here in Northern Michigan. I see a touch of red on those tomatoes in the ground–finally! I do have blessings and will count them.
One more sip of coffee…
L.E.K. 