Been a couple very hard days for me here. A couple very trying days taking care of my dad in the midst of recovering from this last infection. The feeling of doom–partly because I’ve been drinking coke to settle my stomach from the antibiotic–the sugar no doubt removing my sense of occasional euphoria I get from my carnivore diet.
This virus scares me so much with three immune-compromised people in my family. My friends think I tend to be a worrier, over-react. But then I was 28 when my first child was born with Down Syndrome (1 in a 1,000 they said). My brother has a child with autism. Not sure the odds of my other son getting testicular cancer. My daughter was born with one eye closed and club feet–she wore casts on her legs the first six months of her life and had her first eye surgery at 18 months. My mother died of a massive stroke at 64. (I am not feeling sorry for myself–many people have life MUCH worse). My father told me when I was young that the most of the things one worries about never happen–I haven’t really found that to be true so far. So I have the need to do all I can to avert disaster.
Did the fact that I might not have been careful about drinking when I conceived cause that first cell to divide wrong? Did feeding my other son SOY formula like they advised cause testicular cancer? (Likely). Did my suggestion of Aleve for my mother’s arthritis cause her brain aneurysm? They said it contributed. I can’t rule any of that out.
Then there’s Rush Limbaugh’s cancer diagnosis. I’ve never been a major fan really, though he gave conservatives a voice in media for the first time and apparently has done amazing acts of kindness through the years. But I’m just shocked at all the liberals wishing him dead and that he rot in hell. How can people post things like that and justify it in any kind of world view that makes any sense to me at all. I’m not for anyone on any side of anything doing such an inhuman and heartless thing and I’m certain it isn’t only liberals who would, though they are so much more likely to it seems–their ends always justifying a means.
I’m a libertarian so my views are very mixed and no party encompasses them–I vote conservative primarily because I’m terrified of socialism–and what might at first just be an inept and inefficient enormous bureaucracy setting the foundation for some ruler who is truly evil and what would then happen to individual rights–and because I’m completely against late term abortion. We wouldn’t do such a thing to a dog.
But those posts about/to Rush Limbaugh made me feel so ineffably sad. In my heart, I suppose I’ve felt the world was better off without people like Stalin, Hitler, bin Ladin, but I still am not sure I could put those sentiments to paper. Rot in hell...they said to him. And Rush Limbaugh and Donald Trump are not Hitler. That kind of hyperbole is not just wrong, it’s just so sad.
Those glass houses and all…
So I struggle these past few days, wishing for my mother to arrive in my dreams and provide some answers, some comfort.
I pray for the human race.