Hm, I am not quite sure that at your low point you aren’t still alone and distinct from others–sometimes it doesn’t seem to matter whether you’re on that mountain or in that swamp with the frogs–you still feel alone. And maybe more alone down there because at least you can see the horizon from that mountain top…
But at least I’m writing today. I exercised ten minutes. My diet was much better the last couple days. I have a roast chicken in the oven (not expecting my dad will like it, but 3 out of 4 is improvement).
I spent the last week mostly responding to the posts of folks whose blogs I follow and reading and responding to nice notes from my friends and even strangers. I tried to rest a bit more, which is hard to accomplish these days. And I think I feel a bit better despite having so many things to deal with at the moment.
Some things you just can’t even write about.
And I’m still worried about this virus and my son Josh contracting it–not convinced we are out of any woods here in this country yet. Just the calm before the storm, I think. Too many very strange things going on in China and Europe, Asia, to please me. I’ve never seen this kind of thing in my lifetime.
In 1917-18 my great uncle died in Traverse City Asylum, not of alcoholism or anything else, but of the flu. A flu that killed something like 50 million people world wide–young people especially since it caused an autoimmune “storm” in the body, I presume a sepsis type reaction that was worse in young people. People 40-60 fared the best. There are some uncomfortable things about this one so far…
I suppose part of my losing perspective about things is that I am the care-giver here. It’s ME who is responsible for taking care of my son with Downs and my dad. Unless one has young children, most people are responsible only for themselves. So maybe easier to “not live in fear.” I am one who has to take the precautions and THEN I can relax knowing I’ve done the best I can.
But this virus has made me feel even more trapped than I would have already. If the cases remain low in the country another few weeks, that will help my state of mind some. Meantime, I have some traveling to do Monday to an accountant, and possibly to accompany my other son with testicular cancer to Karmanos–hospitals…
But I’m feeling better, I’d say. Insurance people came to sell me a Prescription Plan D to go with my upcoming (god) medicare plan. And depressed me talking to me about long term care insurance–something I’d really never thought about.
My dreams have been strange. I dreamed a friend of ours (whose wife just died) was driving my husband and me on the freeway in Detroit. 70 mph but backwards. We stopped and were robbed, some people taking my few dollar bills out of my purse. Tall people in dark clothing. Then I was in a house they took us to. They took my husband’s clothes off him and put him in a shower. They were walking him past me dripping wet. He seemed to just be doing what they told him to. Just obeying them. Lots of people running around like it was a cult and they all talked very nice to us–but you knew they had guns and planned to do horrible things which made it worse. Not a great dream.
Will do some dream incubation to change this trend!
Josh and I have blood tests tomorrow for physicals and we go out to dinner tomorrow night with my neighbor friend. So hope to build on a better day.