Carnivore Dreams – Dreams and MRI Machines in Pieces on the Ground



woman in black crew neck t shirt sitting on bed
Photo by cottonbro on

Lifted a little James Taylor there — seemed appropriate.

So I have been having back/neck/headache problems as well as stomach ones for a while now.  So I thought we’d start out with an MRI of my back and neck.  So I try to schedule it.  First, the order isn’t signed right by the doctor and they can’t use a code — it has to be a written diagnosis.  So I get that faxed up there.  Call today to schedule.  Then they tell me I have to know for SURE which my primary insurance is because if I tell them WRONG, it cannot be changed and resubmitted, they will charge me for the whole thing.  Ludicrous.  So I ask them about the procedure. I have had MRI’s of my head and lower back before and they manage to either put my feet in first or just my head a little.  SO I can see out pretty well.  Well for this, they have to put me in head first all the way down.  I’m claustrophobic and even Xanax will not get me an hour and a half for both those tests in that thing.  AND they tell me if I get on the table and can’t do it, they will ALSO charge me for the whole thing.  I never heard such a thing with insurance–that it cannot be resubmitted.  I have not been very happy with Munson Health Services–they also do not have enough competition here.  Downstate they do not treat you this way.  So long story short, I found out which insurance was primary and am trying to get the tests set up in Mount Pleasant where they have an open MRI and where they were much nicer to me on the phone.  So we are now at least another week away.

I had a bad night.  Pain in my back again and terrible dreams.  I dreamed these three wolves were stalking us.  People I didn’t know were with me.  One was a “wolf expert.”   The dream was one of those that kept going on all night and the wolves were lurking in the ether the whole time. We were having dinner al fresco with the idea that they could attack us at any moment.  They were black or sort of brindle colored like a pit bull and they looked like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood, not like the pretty gray one I once saw or even the tawny ones we have in the U.P.  The dream went on and on.  Finally I was planning to leave and I was trying to get these two big dogs (neither any of the dogs I have ever owned) into an open trailer when one of the black wolves showed up and grabbed the leash right near my  hand.  He was planning to eat me and/or the dogs.  I grabbed his snout, holding it closed with both hands.  I could feel his teeth on one of my fingers, but he hadn’t bitten me yet.  Suddenly my husband was there.  I screamed for him to help me and like he always does, he looked at me and rolled his eyes and barely moved.  Whenever anyone falls or there is an emergency, he cannot move fast.  You have never seen anyone move slower.  So I have this wolf by the snout and a husband who won’t help me.  I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I was in pain and the dream was so real.

Now, it is true that my husband does the above, but he DOES help me a lot now that he’s laid off, especially now that I’m taking care of my dad full time.  But he also procrastinates everything and I have to bug him to help.  But still, I don’t want to make him sound like a complete bum.  🙂   Because I would have a really hard time getting along right now since I’ve been in this much pain.  And I do appreciate it!

Still, I woke up mad at him for not saving me.

I’m supposed to be dreaming about my mother which hasn’t worked out well lately, not about wolves trying to eat me.

I dream a lot about dogs and wolves — I have written about canines in my literary work repeatedly, coyotes, wolves, and dogs.  They fascinate me more than bears or any other animals, I guess.  Wolves especially fascinate me.  (And comedians).  I must be like the late Michigan writer Jim Harrison who was also fascinated by wolves, hence his novella Wolf that launched his career and then led to his claim to fame:  Legends of the Fall.  Jack Nicholson loved his book Wolf so much, he paid Jim’s living expenses for a year or two so he could work on Legends.  He later then worked on t he screen play Wolf that Nicholson was in and was nothing like the novella.  He also worked on the horror film Revenge based on a novella Harrison wrote which had Kevin Costner in it I believe.  Not a great movie.  Subsequently, Hollywood booted him and he blew all his money on expensive wine and cocaine.

At any rate…

One night a friend of mine and I were fishing and saw a wolf near where we thought Harrison’s cabin was in the U.P. and later ran into him in the brewery in Grand Marais where he shared some excellent wine with us and introduced us to his bird dog.  He told us we had indeed seen a wolf and they were tawny colored in the U.P.  I’ve seen a large gray wolf as well.  He seemed a bit suspicious as to why we were in that area–he’s a very private person, and since I never told him I was a writer– in which case he would have told us to fuck off like he did this guy who approached him for some charity –he seemed to take to us and we had two very enjoyable evenings with him drinking French wine.  He recommended Tempier Bandol which is indeed a nice mid-priced Bordeaux.

And the whole experience served to increase my fascination with wolves.

So I need to get to work on my fantasy novel here which does have a dog in it, and probably will have a wolf in it before I’m done.

Happy Tuesday.

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