Carnivore Dreams – Pause

I am sitting here sipping coffee and thinking about where I’m headed and where we are headed as a country and a people. The reason I’m able to sit here and sip my favorite dark roast brew is because my father — after over a week in the hospital –is now in rehab. Where he will stay until Wednesday or Thursday.

Yes, it is a nice break for me, though I have had to run clothes over, doctors and nurses call me early, and my son Josh (who has Downs) has gout.

But still, this has given me time to regroup and plan a new schedule. There are changes for my dad: dysphagia 2 diet, an adjustment for him, but hopefully less aspiration and less pneumonia. (I had to fight to get them to treat my dad–they wanted me to put him in hospice and get palliative care– when I knew they were causing the problems by taking him off antibiotics and not prescribing steroids for his asthma–the totality of that nightmare I’ll spare you).

But he needs new rules — he needs to follow some direction, needs a change of attitude toward me–something I must insist upon. Hard when it’s your father (somewhat chauvinist). But it must happen.

Also, I need sleep. Which means the new schedule will be for me to stay up all night (and write), go to sleep about 5 a.m., let my husband take over for breakfast and getting him around for the day, while I sleep until noon, then exercise, and make dinner. I hope to get reading more, (vegging watching Good Witch movies, etc., less), but has been my habit since I have no emotional reserves left. So we’ll see. I’m hopeful.

Meantime I have a few days to myself, one day we’ll use to shut down our home/camp off the grid in the Upper Peninsula, drop off our ballots. And one day we’ll shop for new dysphagia food and clean house.

As I look out at my deck and garden, I’m amazed how healthy my flowers and overall garden still are–my green thumb I’m finally developing–passed down synchronistically from my mother. I’ve moved some herbs inside to a window, though a north/west window with limited light, and they grace my bedroom window ledge–petunias mixed in with thyme, basil, thyme tarragon in other basket. I’ll dry some oregano, mint, and more before we get killing frosts.

Out the window–Leaves on the maples and ground cover– creeping on our birch stump– are a brilliant orange/red, harbingers of approaching winter–and I hope not harbingers of the death of either my father or our freedom.

President Trump is erring on the side of freedom–not the nanny state — erring on the side of letting people decide how they want to approach the risk in their lives. It’s obvious that though cases continue to rise, therapeutics are getting more and more effective, and hospitalizations and deaths are still down (also possible virus is less deadly as it becomes more contagious–we’ll hope for that). I hope he’s guessing right.

But he is right that people in their twenties and under have less risk of dying of covid than the flu, and bottom line is overall we have a 99% chance of surviving this virus– 95% even in high risk groups, though long lasting problems with folks with co-morbitities is a concern for our elderly. But I think taking personal responsibility for our health as seniors is what is needed and not draconian measures to take away the lives and livelihoods of young people.

This virus and this fake racial unrest are ploys to take away capitalism and a free society. Be very careful what steps you take in the short term that it justifies the consequences long term. Every time you give up freedom, there are unseen prices to pay as a society. Separate out the politics from this as we move forward. And realize the left is exaggerating the risks for political reasons.

Sweden is doing very well now, better than Spain and France who had strict lock-downs.

So as I take stock, I’m trying to feel my way forward in the dark, shuffling a foot in front of the other, hoping I can get back to a writing life, some sense of myself, some way to do that without having to consider assisted living any time soon for my father.

Faith is important in life and is much more than a religious concept–the belief in each other–the will to keep getting up every day and to put a foot in front of the other. The belief that there is a way forward in the darkness. It all takes faith and is something I write about a lot.

Now, more than ever, we need faith in each other and not in any government.

2 thoughts on “Carnivore Dreams – Pause

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