Carnivore Dreams – No Life

Ok, I’m in one of those moods and it IS Monday, but there’s no way I’m ever going to be able to read and write again that I can see.

Ever.

My dad is enough work, and I have a son with Down Syndrome and now my husband has just had a retinal tear which led to a blood clot in already narrowed heart arteries (he already had a stent). They put in another one. So he has to sleep on one side or another for his eye issues and if he sleeps on his left side he hits me all night and talks in his sleep which doesn’t happen much on his right side. But he won’t stay on it.

He is helping a little now. And I have fabulous kids who worked here all week and without whom I never could have managed, so I AM counting my blessings.

I have laundry and mess everywhere from the weekend and I have medical shit, paperwork, supplies coming out the wazoo. I can’t even find a place for my clothes here.

I just cannot organize my time for myself. Ever.

AND we were supposed to go to Maine July 16th for a week and now we don’t know if my husband can see to drive and I’m not big on pulling a trailer through cities. We have a friend who could back it into sites who is supposed to go along.

So just for a backup I tried to see where we might go around Saugatuck maybe and no availability this close (16th of July for ten days). But it looks like Maine is off and we’ll go to the UP instead. Just got off the phone with our buddy.

So I’m just feeling very crabby with no sleep, a filthy house, tons of laundry, no time to write or read (ever) and no Maine lobster. And no more kids who had to return to lives of their own.

But Dick seems to have survived the blood clot from the eye surgery with a new stent and my kids were here and we did all get on the boat a little bit. I think the kids really enjoyed the boat, though it never got shined up nice. And I am so lucky to have them. They came and worked from here to take care of my dad so I could be at the hospital with my husband for three days.

I feel guilty not just counting my blessings. I’ll work on it.

8 thoughts on “Carnivore Dreams – No Life

  1. Thanks, Phil. I got about two hours sleep again and I think after all this, I know I’m going to feel I failed at it all. On top of it. It’s very hard to do it. So thanks for your note.

  2. Hi Lynn, Long time my friend. I know well the trials your are experiencing and wish you strength and happiness. I found your blog – it is nice to hear your “voice”. Thinking of you and your family. Hugs, Donna

  3. Donna Elbert!! It’s so nice to see your face! I think of you all the time. I am not sure I have your email anymore though. I wish you the same and would like to catch up more! XO

  4. Fwiw, my friend, you’re not alone.

    I sought counseling, finally: just online, but I love my new counselor (Cece is from MI, too, though licensed in CA). I need(ed) help with the juggling. And though she can’t help me get things done, she helps me prioritize and helps me stay objective (not an easy thing for a drowning woman to do!).

    I’m praying for you, sis (I consider all of us caregivers as “sisters” and “brothers). ❤️ You need a life-line!

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